Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
