??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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