We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
