Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
