He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
