me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
