You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
