Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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