butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Your dad touched me again.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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