and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
