you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
