we're chasing vodka with high fives
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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