Apparently you make a good broom.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You were trust falling into bushes
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
