I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
