Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
