Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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