that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
