I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
