this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize