Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
