broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
