Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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