why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize