I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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