based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
