If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
