Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize