at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
