omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
