Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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