My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
