We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
