Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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