You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The air was thick with penises
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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