At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
