no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
