I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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