Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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