Already got asked if we're dating
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
