Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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