take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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