her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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