actually, I'm a sock model
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
