yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
