i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
