Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
