Michael Bay diarrhea
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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