so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
