conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
