I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
