Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
