Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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