Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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