i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize