we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
where are you?
Hypothermia
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
