apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
