she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
