I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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