New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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