I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
