if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize