Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
