you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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