my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
