Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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