Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
