The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize