We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
