I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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