I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
