I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
