just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
