Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
