so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
