I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
