Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
