I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
