...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
