sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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