Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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