The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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