i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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