Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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