she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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