i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
