Tell her she can't have a vagina
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
