he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
