Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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