You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
