If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
God, you're like boner-b-gone
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
