dude i'm inner monologue high
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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