thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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