I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
