I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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