im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Come see our sink grown plant.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize