yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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