He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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