The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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