sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Randomize
