Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
