I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
NoShamevember. You game?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
