the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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