I cannot find my penis.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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