Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Someone shattered a urinal.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
